On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
