P.S. I can't hear my feet
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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