if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
