i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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