just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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