some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
