I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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