I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize