too bad you live with your parents still
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
