They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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