yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
why do cheetos always look like penises
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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