I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
