Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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