never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
