I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
