I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
