also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
