Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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