We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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