How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
