This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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