Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
it's like heaven, but drunker
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize