you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This girl is more easily done than said...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
