So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
