i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
