You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Blood and glitter go together right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize