he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize