It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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