My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
