u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
