oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
