When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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