Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
