do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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