i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
