It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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