This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
