and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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