Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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