Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
