i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
