Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize