Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
