if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
