Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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