bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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