id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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