how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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