it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
