there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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