so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just high enough for therapy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
