i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
