When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
