can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
