I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
