You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
