He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
