Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
