im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
