My cat gives me a boner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize