found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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