I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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