last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
