We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
