All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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