Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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