jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
