Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
