so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
