I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
