he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
this is an emotional support booty call
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
